I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
