It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
