no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
