I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I don't think brook has ever known best
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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