Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
