they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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