u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
