Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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