she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
