Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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