i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize