I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
