yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
