I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
