Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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