It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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