You're completely useless in the revolution.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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