I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
