I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize