Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
