Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
