if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
