Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize