please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
