Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
