Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
