y did u give ur computer a hand job?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
