dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
