don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
