so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
