Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
