I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I am mentally ready for anal.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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