I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize