Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
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