all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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