i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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