All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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