how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
