oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
