there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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