Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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