Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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