I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
