i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
