Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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