what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
