I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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