he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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