I don't remember. Are we still dating?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
