Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
