Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
