fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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