I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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