I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
