Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
