WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
