I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
