you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The feeling are messing with the penis
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
