My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
