drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
