Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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