The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
