i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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