If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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