I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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