i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Please don't give away my fajitas
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
