And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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