Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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