He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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