stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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