my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
