there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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