I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
