the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
