We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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