he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
