He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
