4 words: hood of his car
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
